He makes good girls...bad.
Warning. Review might contain minor spoilers. Read at your own risk. Oh, and it’s long as fuck. Just sayin’.
The Collector by Nine Inch Nails anyone?
So I recently finished playing DMC Devil May Cry. It’s a game about a Nephilim, half angel half demon, dude who’s a demon hunting vigilante, pretty much an arrogant asshole, and doesn’t take shit from anyone. He looks like this:
And his name is Dante. Ring a bell?
Do I need to tell you the reason why I even picked up this book?
Well, if you didn’t catch my drift, the Book Dante seems to be a perfect replica of the Game Dante. I have had a crush on the Game Dantes (yes, there is more than one Dante – the original and the reboot, and you are seeing the pictures of the reboot) for about five years now, and I’ve been wanting to read some fan-fiction about them for ages.
Book Dante should have been a good replacement for Game Dante. And he was for about half the book, before things went horribly wrong. However, The Collector barely managed to scratch my DMC itch. But that’s a story for another time.
I started this book thinking that I will simply replace Book Dante with Game Dante. The female lead’s name will be Kat. She is a Wiccan graffiti artist who opens gates into Limbo (a parallel world between Hell and Earth where demons go bump in the night) and she looks like this:
Copyright you say?? Nonsense.
So having the characters already sorted out, I was ready for some fun! And it was for, I repeat, half the book. You will hear me say this a lot by the by. The good half, and the bad half. *sigh*
Anywhoo, Book Dante was fun! Victoria Scott sure did a good job with him. He made me laugh out loud. Really laugh out loud not just the meh lough out loud. The dude is an entertaining fucker. Let me give you some of my most favorite quotes. I’ll write them between the spoiler code because, you know, spoilers and shit.
Click to view Spoiler Apparently Charlie doesn’t have a car. “But don’t worry,” she tells me, “we can walk to school from here.” Thrilling. It’ll only take a few lifetimes, what with her limp and all.
“Dante, this is Annabelle.” No. No way. That name is reserved for females with grace and elegance, not this girl. This girl is…beastly. “Annabelle,” I say. “It suits you.”
The beauty behind the table gets up and saunters toward me. I have to stop myself from shoving Charlie out of the way.
Some people say the Amex Black card is a myth. Those people are also referred to as poor. Even thinking the word makes me itch.
If Charlie doesn’t dig my get up, I’ll expose her for what she is: asexual.
“In this trunk,” she says with a serious face, “is God’s gift to women.”
Laugh out loud material. Love it!
I did like Dante. I mean yum. Sure, I still have the image of the Game Dante in my mind but Book Dante’s personality is there. He’s funny, and charming, and most importantly evil. But there are many things that bothered me about this book, Dante and Charlie, the female lead.
Number one, he starts being attracted to
Number two, there is no way in Hell such a “playa” would fall for someone like Charlie. I mean the girls is all right, if you’re into below average looking girls – hey don’t give me that look, it’s how she’s described by the author – but Dante’s feelings are not really justified. Yeah she’s got a good soul and she might be the next Jesus, ridding the world of evil and all that (creepy), but his nature wouldn’t allow him to fall for such a girl. Not that hard at least. And not that fast! The big bad L word popped up so fast I could not believe my eyes.
“I love you, Dante. I’ve loved you from the start.”
“Because I see you. Even though you try so hard to hide, I see you, anyway.”
Gag. I mean really. Gag. If I only knew that things will get even worse later on..
Charlie is an OK character, not too bad, not to good. She would make a perfect YA contemporary romance lead. My problem with her is that she’s too damn plain. She’s supposedly “speshul” because the author tells you so. She did not do anything special in this book, she did not show her powers, she didn’t do anything useful. That’s why I’m insisting on Dante’s feelings not making sense. There’s nothing much to fall for.
I will protect this girl with everything I have, because if something happens to her, I will lose myself. I will cease to exist. And I will take everyone with me.
You see, this shit is what gets me angry. A character as cool and as evil as Dante would never go that low. What the hell?!
I pull my hands away from my face, because I have to see her face. I have to see how she’s looking at me now that she knows. When I do, I can no longer stop the tears. They crash over my cheeks and free-fall to the ground. Because her face.
He is acting like a love-struck teenage girl, ladies and gents. Gather round and throw some rotten tomatoes at his head, maybe he’ll snap out of it.
God these things piss me off. You had such a great character and you cut off his balls like this. The whole book is ruined for me and I sure as hell won’t even go near book two. I don’t want to witness more useless fucking drama between Dante and Charlie. I simply don’t.
The Collector had the perfect start of being a very good and entertaining book. If only Victoria Scott had Dante fight some crazy demons or something, removed Charlie and removed the stupid romance. A badass book, I tell you. Oh well, too late for that.
Dante: first half – 4 stars, second half – 0 stars -> average - 2 stars
Charlie: first half – 2 stars, second half – 0 stars -> average - 1 star
Story: first half – 3 stars, second half – 0 stars -> average – 1.5 stars
Lolz: first half – 5 stars, second half – 0 stars -> average – 2.5 stars
Demon hunting: first half – 0 stars, second half – 0 stars -> average – 0 stars
Average score: 1.4 stars