Iced (Dani O'Malley, #1)

The Rift Walker (Vampire Empire, #2)

Iced by Karen Marie Moning
Pub­lisher: Delacorte Press
Pages: Hardcover, 495 pages
Series: Fever
Pub­li­ca­tion date: October 30th 2012

Dani “Mega” O’Malley plays by her own set of rules—and in a world overrun by Dark Fae, her biggest rule is: Do what it takes to survive. Possessing rare talents and the all-powerful Sword of Light, Dani is more than equipped for the task. In fact, she’s one of the rare humans who can defend themselves against the Unseelie. But now, amid the pandemonium, her greatest gifts have turned into serious liabilities.

Dani’s ex–best friend, MacKayla Lane, wants her dead, the terrifying Unseelie princes have put a price on her head, and Inspector Jayne, the head of the police force, is after her sword and will stop at nothing to get it. What’s more, people are being mysteriously frozen to death all over the city, encased on the spot in sub-zero, icy tableaux.

When Dublin’s most seductive nightclub gets blanketed in hoarfrost, Dani finds herself at the mercy of Ryodan, the club’s ruthless, immortal owner. He needs her quick wit and exceptional skill to figure out what’s freezing Fae and humans dead in their tracks—and Ryodan will do anything to ensure her compliance.

Dodging bullets, fangs, and fists, Dani must strike treacherous bargains and make desperate alliances to save her beloved Dublin—before everything and everyone in it gets iced.

This review contains lots of fucks, shits, angry gifs and spoilers. Consider yourself warned.

Hey you! Fever fan! Over here. Hey, wanna know how my Friday night went? You do? It was fucking horrible. You wanna know why? You do? Because I’ve read Iced on Friday night, AND IT RUINED MY FUCKING LIFE. Good times, no?

I’ve been waiting for Iced to be out for a year. I could not believe my eyes when I saw that KMM will continue the Fever series. I mean. Fever. ZOMG. Me loves Fever.

And then Dani happened. Over four hundred pages of fourteen year old Dani. Annoying, immature, stab-worthy Dani and her fucking harem. Yes! There are three guys (so far) head over heels for our fourteen year old Dani. Two grown men and a teenage boy. I have nothing against Dancer, because this is the only character that makes sense in the whole fucking book, but Ryodan and Christian? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE???

Insta-lust?? For a fourteen year old?? When you’re a fucking grown man?? What the fuck is wrong with you?

I have two problems regarding this. First, I hate insta-lust. Second, she’s fourteen years old! Christian just sees her and decides she’s worth waiting for until she comes of age. And marry her. And fuck the shit out of her.

Allow me demonstrate. Behold my fuck you compilation. Spoilers ahead me maties!
(this is all coming from Christian, the character who I once admired and liked)

"He knows she’s worth waiting for."

Fuck you.

"Not for something worth waiting for. Not for a once-in-a-lifetime girl."

Fuck you again.

"My girl is half naked and dying and I can’t get to her!"

His girl?! Fuck you.

"But I’d cut the fucking moon out of the sky for her."

Fuck you.

"She’s pale and still as death. It’s a disturbing turn-on."

The fuck??

“Butt out of my virginity-losing plans! They’re none of your business.”
“They’re my business and mine alone. But we don’t have to talk about them. Yet.”

I’m in pain. In such terrible pain...

aka Christian “saving” Dani from bleeding to death and offering her a bed and a sponge bath.

And speaking of Pedobear, Ryodan wasn’t better off either. Ryodan wants to “hire” her because he can’t do a simple job by himself, even though he’s supposed to be a super duper advanced creature of sort. He abuses Dani without a second thought, fails to form even one logical idea, gets outsmarted by Dancer, a seventeen year old kid, and mostly acts like a douche all the time. What’s up with the attitude? Please don’t say that he’s doing it because he’s having a hard-on for Dani. Please.

aka Ryodan’s torture sessions for making Dani sign the “contract”.

I won’t pick on Dani because she’s a fourteen year old girl playing the superhero in an adult Urban Fantasy book. Enough said. But what I can pick on is KMM turning Dani into a veritable Mary Sue. She has all of the sudden captured the attention of all the male population in the city. Possibly the world. Happy fucking day.

All I can say is that I can’t believe that this piece of shit is the continuation of Fever. I’m appalled. I had to skim the damn book in order to manage to finish it! A book belonging to the Fever series. Skimmed!

Iced does not even come close to the previous Fever books. Not close! It felt like I was reading a stupid Young Adult book. Fucking Young Adult book full of sex, foul words and perverts who like to have dirty thoughts about minors. It just creeped me out. Really did.

It’s torture. Pure torture.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to have my eyes and brain replaced.

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