Special Review: Mass Effect Trilogy

   
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In a diverse interstellar society, you must overcome other species' distrust of humans and battle a force that threatens to end all life.

 

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

I’ve been on a marathon for the past 2 months. I wanted so badly to play this trilogy from head to toe, one game after another. And because I loved it so much, and hated it so much for that matter, I’ve decided to do a special review for it. You’ll only find it on this blog because, let’s face it, where else would I post it?

Yeah, thought so.

Mass Effect is one of my favorite games EVER. And I meant it. With its good parts and bad ones it still is wicked fun to play and it has a very good story. The technicalities are also amazing, great quality graphics, fantastic gameplay, famous voice actors and pretty badass music. Plus the space theme is so fascinating to explore and develop. This is a pretty obvious recipe for an amazing game if you ask me.

Ok enough praising; let’s start the complaining, shall we?

Mass Effect 1 is ok. OK ONLY! Not too great, not too bad. Just.. ok. The story was pretty interesting; I wasn’t so crazy about it at first. I played it before, like two years ago or something like that, and I wasn’t so impressed with it. Hell, I wasn’t even playing the damn thing properly. So what I thought back then is considered irrelevant right now. The second time I played it (I played Mass Effect 2 before Mass Effect 1) I finally got what the hell was going on. I kept on going around (explorin’ is what I do) and I’d see a new weapon, a new armor, etc and I’d be like OMG you can find weapons?? You can upgrade your suit??? Why the hell didn’t anyone tell me about this????

Pathetic I know..

And yet I enjoyed playing it a lot. Didn’t compare to ME2 but for a first game in a series it was pretty good. There were some little things that bothered me though. First of all the weapons were shit in the beginning of the game. And trust me, it’s not because of my shooting. I’m actually a pretty good shooter if I do say so myself. But enough of my badass shooting skills, back to the issue at hand. The shooting was BAD and I mean BAD. But after upgrading my weapons it was smooth and accurate. Not so bad, kind of like the typical RPG strategy: suck at the beginning, be the king of badassery at the end.

Another problem was THE MAP. Oh the dear never-changing, always shitty map! What the hell is wrong with these people?? The map is one of the worst things in the game. It doesn’t help you at all, it doesn’t allow you to track any mission, it does not give you directions, it doesn’t do anything!! In ME1 it was showing enemies. Ok, there’s a use for it. In ME2 they removed the enemies from the map. They knew we were too good to need something like that. Real players don’t need to see enemies on the map, they need to feel them in their guts. I totally agree with them. You go Mass Effect people! You go!!

In ME3 the map was.. a thing. A satellite-like thing. That shows.. stuff. Useless!! Totally useless. Thank god they thought Oh hey these idiots are getting lost in the endless corridors of the ugly Citadel, let’s aid them a bit. Here’s an arrow that point you to the right direction.

Why thanks Captain Helpful, that’s wonderful. All my problems are gone now.

Apart from the map curse that was following the game all the time, the rest was pretty ok. Nothing more to piss me off. Oh except for my useless team that doesn’t do anything well. But that’s normal since friendly AIs always fuck up. It’s like a gaming golden rule or something.

Shepard: Oh hey guys watch my back while I try to shoot this MOTHERFUCKING REAPER out of the sky ok?

*team nods*

*Shepard gets blown into little pieces*

But the best surprise of them all was in ME3. The enemies! Oooh my gosh the enemies! They’re so smart and just urinate on your tactics because they’re smarter than you and bigger and better and faster and everything that you’re not. Until you level up. Then you’re the one urinating on everything because you’re the king/queen of the Universe. It’s a very nice feeling.

I guess I covered everything about the game right?

Oh wait. It seems like I forgot one little thing. THE ENDING OF ME3.

You thought I forgot that, didn’t you?

Ok now *cracks her fingers*

*cracks her neck*

*cracks her fingers again*

May I ask WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT ENDING???????!!!!!!

WHAT

THE

HELL????

Dudes who wrote the story, WTF???

Really?? REALLY?? I can’t even..

I’ve been expecting something totally different. Hell, that’s an understatement.

I was expecting Shepard to die. That’s the truth. The perfect ending in my opinion was Shepard dying in a blast of glory, killing the Reapers through self-sacrifice. Captain Anderson would narrate the ending, saying great stuff about her (I was a she in the game b-t-dub), all her team members staring in the horizon (at a seaside sunrise or something), tears glistening in their eyes and then we zoom out, we see the world half destroyed but people are still out there waiting for a new beginning. Black screen. Credits.

Wouldn’t that be awesome? WOULDN’T THAT BE AWESOME I SAY???

But NOOOOOOOO, they have to show how capable they are and complicate things.

I won’t spoil anything but lemme tell you something. ME3 was a new Lost. Exactly the same crap. They had to go all philosophical and enhance the story in the last 2 missions. Yeah, dudes if you want to enhance the story do it since ME2 don’t throw it in my face like that. It’s total bullshit, it left too many questions out there and what the hell was with Normandy crashing on that planet? What is that supposed to be? Eden? They will repopulate it and create little Joker-Liara specimens?

And what the hell was the whole “I am the catalyst. Organics VS Synthetics war is inevitable” crap? Assassin’s Creed all over again, amirite?

 

Gimme a break! Please!

I have so many questions. What happened to the rest of the team? Garrus, Javik, EDI, I didn’t see them in the shuttle crash scene. And what the hell happened to the Citadel? Are the people on it ok? Is everyone dead? How will they fix up the planet, how will they find you know who’s bodies? What will they think? Will they say Shepard is MIA? Plotholes!! Plotholes everywhere!!

Or new game coming soon? Our questions will be answered? I wouldn’t mind that one bit!

But please, PLEASE don’t put the answers in DLCs. Then it would be just a cheap trick in order to get more profit.

Click to view Spoiler

Overall Mass Effect, and I mean the whole trilogy, is an experience every gamer should have. It’s unique and crazy fun. I’ll probably get over the ending thing (it just happened a few hours ago so it’s still fresh) by tomorrow and think back to all the great moments I lived through it.

Do you want a little spoiler for how it ends?

EVERYBODY DIES!

Enjoy the game.

2 comments:

  1. 1st of all u like to bash what u like or don't like in ur review ... sadistic basatard
    2nd of all the friendly AI is one of the best ive seen ( excluding ME1) remember Skyrim and ull remember what i mean ( the mighty horse and other crap )
    3rd of all ... the ending ... its not the best but its not LOST bad ...u can imagine the rest urself and im sure u gonna have answers in the next instalments of the game ( katri told me this is the end of shepards story only ) and u figured out some stuff urself ( the shepard part ) it could be way worse ... they ended the game on a mass scale as the game itself was massive and grande ... didnt bother me and i didnt love it but i agree the climax with anderson and shepard would be the safest way to end it ... yet im sure others would complain again ... and would be all like thats it ? u can rarely get satisfied with these grande stories ... yet u gotta act all funny and bash it so i guess u cant change from that prespective :p was awesome watching u playing it for real ;) was a great experience .

    ReplyDelete
  2. 1) I'm sadistic, I know. But it's fun so stfu
    2) I'm not saying it's the worst, I'm just mentioning it not being as good as the enemies. They could have fixed it but they didn't and it got me angry at many points. Of course I can't forget Skyrim, Dragon Age and so on. They were BAD, and the horse glitch was horrible.
    3) Since I've been into the game and the story (I like stories, sue me) I was having expectations that they didn't meet. It's my right to complain about it, don't you think? I'm not saying the game is horrible, it's actually the opposite. ME3 is one of the best games I've played this year. I totally loved it. They just ruined the story with the ending IMHO. It could have been better, simpler and would have pleased everyone. It wasn't that difficult to achieve since the premise of the story is pretty basic.
    And again, bashing is what I do best. I tend to exaggerate with it and I'm aware of it. That's the way I run :>

    ReplyDelete

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