Pepper Marsh wants a knight in tights. That's the only reason this single, currently unemployed software engineer sick of technogeeks agreed to attend a "Renaissance Faire" with her cousin C. J. Fortunately, on her very first day at ye olde faire, Pepper stumbles across Walker McPhail, a totally scrumptious Englishman who rescues Pepper just as she is about to be trampled by a horse. Despite the fact that as soon as Walker has her out of danger's way, it seems like he couldn't be less interested in her, Pepper is still intrigued by her daring, dashing knight. Then, after she discovers that Walker was once the toast of the jousting circuit but mysteriously gave up competing, she vows to do a bit of rescuing herself.
Oh yes…. Another one of my damn mistakes. I saw the book cover and I thought wow this sounds like fun. Again I blew it! No fun at all!
So, first problem. Girl wants to date an alpha hottie. Idea? "Renaissance Faire". Really? That’s the place to meet hotties? More like losers… Katie MacAlister tried to implement a few of them here and there, some pretty eyes, some round asses and yet I didn’t find them hot. AT ALL. The only stallion was Walker, who ended up being an idiot. Why you ask? Because he fell in love with the most stupid woman who ever lived on our planet. Yes, that’s Pepper if you haven’t guessed it.
The story sucks ass. Bigtime! At the beginning of the book I thought hey maybe it’s a slow start. I’ll just wait till I get to the funny part. And I waited. And waited. And eventually the book ended. And no funny part came… Dammit! I can easily compare this book to a time when I got myself a glass of Coke, but I forgot it on the counter. The next day I tried to drink it. Bad idea!
So this book can be compared to that exact glass of Coke, but after a week. See? Even the glass feels bad about it…
As a proud cat owner I felt offended by the creature they presented in the book. The creature named Moth or whatever. What the hell was that thing? I mean I never saw my cat being so retardo like this one. I don’t think any cat can be like this… And Pepper, the Queen of All That Is Stupid, acting all Sherlock Holmes and pretending the Moth is Watson was just horrible. I wanted something funny not damn kids shit!! And don’t get me started on her fear of getting eaten by horses. I swear to God all the characters in this book are retarded.
Now I found the idea of jousting interesting but since I wanted to have a good laugh while reading the book I found it irritating that the author kept on insisting on this, adding way too many details to it until I lost interest. 75% done with the book and I couldn’t wait to finish it and pick up something else to wash away the sour taste.
Another biiiiig problem was the “dirty-talk” they were having in bed. I don’t think I was ever so disgusted or turned off towards something that’s supposed to be passionate. Of course we are talking about good stuff, not porn. I can guess your faces you little disgusting perverted creatures! I’m talking about nice books! Ok, now that we settled this, let’s get back to the problem. Wtf?!? It was simply horrible. I don’t know what Katie MacAlister’s fantasies are but I’m guessing they’re not good… I’m still finding it difficult to erase some words from my head after reading this book.
I tried so hard to find some good stuff for the top 5 quotes, but eventually managed to get just a few ones. The entire book is full of strange strange stuff… How can we forget quotes like:
“I melted into a big old puddle of Pepper goo”
“It was time to unleash Pepper, Warrior Princess. Aiaiaiaiaiai!”,
or my personal favorite
“That’s Sir Lady to you, buster.”
That one’s a classic.
Now the best way to prove you just how gay this book is I will use my latest invention. This is the premiere of something so great it will spread chills around your body! Wilson!!! Bring forth the Gay-O-Meter!!
*whispers and awe sounds in the background*
As you can see the tests proved it all. The book is dangerously gay I might add. The Gay-O-Meter is never wrong! Thank you Wilson.
Top 5 quotes
#5 “Aha! Got you now, you demonic imp in feline form.”
#4 “If I see the men in the white coats, I’ll let them know you’re ready and waiting. Until then, good night.”
#3 “You’re jealous because Farrell kissed me first, and you wanted to do that because you rescued me, and therefore by rights I was yours. Not that I buy into that whole guy-owning-a-woman thing, but I admit that a little bit of possession is kind of sexy. However, you’re obviously too much in denial to admit that you want to kiss me.”
#2 "If I knew where he was right now, I’d be wearing testicle-shaped earrings."
#1 “Alas that you’ll never taste the dew on my berries, you unmuzzled, pox-warted, boiled-brained pustule on the buttock of a skainsmate!”
|Final Score:|| |
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